Totti Tuesday: ‘Mini Coopers, wobbling & the Pope’

Paolo Bruno - Getty Images

Don’t mention the German(s). Or was it the war?

Admittedly, this is a kinda shorter post than the ones before because school work is killing me the last couple of weeks. But not as much as Denis killing our defenses ever since 2008. That and the fact that the man looks Professor Ratigan from the Disney movie The Great Mouse Detective makes me sweat mayonaise. Just compare this with this. As a kid, I shat myself every time I saw this classic and its ending scene on top of the Big Ben Tower (still one of the most underrated Disney movies but this aside). Will Roma-Atalanta be one huge flashback to those smelly childhood memories?

Roma – German (or Italian) Denis FC


Denis scares me. Not because he’s German (ok enough with the name jokes) but because he’s a tank. Against most Serie A sides he’s a Mini Cooper but when facing Roma, he inexplicably morphes into a fifteen feet tall US Army tank with double barrells and its own bar and jacuzzi.
Zeman’s tactic to hold off the tank? Put in 18-year-old CB Marquinhos and ‘everyday I’m wobbling’-Piris in defence. Yup, that outta do the trick. Like a boss.

And the old grumpy bastard did it again. Admittedly, it could have been 1-3 at the break but it’s Atalanta’s own damn fault they didn’t finish their chances. Shame Juve, Lazio, Inter and Napoli all won their matches too but at least they won a game AT THE OLIMPICO UNDER ZEMAN. Baby steps…

Stek got a clean sheet which makes me both happy (for him) but also unhappy in a weird sort of way (cauz it means Goicoechea probably won’t start the next game). That said, I still predict Goicoechea to become our top assist man by May.



Crazy award condemnations


The Ranieri during a derby award: Zeman and his balls. For not starting icon DDR and top scorer Osvaldo but ‘alien head’ Bradley and Destro. While Bradley scored, Destro did not. But he will soon, I’m certain. And once he gets the wheels going, he’ll be hard to stop. Until then, we’ll just have to let him and Osvaldo fight it out (not literally of course,Ozzy’s not a fighter, he’s a lover).


The Perrotta anno 2006 award: Bradley. Seriously, did you see his runs? No competition.


The Juan/Aldair awards: Marquinhoe’s and Castan. C’mon, let’s be real: whoever predicted in July our first clean sheet of the season would be with this pair was either mentally retarded or smarter than Stephen Hawking and Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory combined.


The Max Tonetto award: Balzaretti. Best buy of the summer. Hell, maybe even best buy of Serie A. This was one damn effective purchase by Saba. When Riise left and Angel disappointed, we needed a LB overhaul. Saba brought in Balzac. Can’t say it enough: money well spent sir!

Notes


Just two really:


• Pallotta needs to stay off the drugs.

• Flo-rida (the player, not the rapper) got his contract extended. Although I think the real Flo-rida still earns a sh*tload more than Alessandro.


PS: I still haven’t bought FIFA 13, I will soon but if anyone wants to give me a review or his opinion about it, please feel free to comment/inform me below. Grazie e arrivederci!


“Well, the Pope is older than me and he seems to do his job without problems.” – Zdenek Zeman

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