Totti Tuesday: ‘Santa, Jersey Shore & saving Ryan’

Paolo Bruno

Well, that was strange wasn’t it? Roma playing on a Monday… which makes me have to reschedule my Totti Tuesday planning et all. I blame it on some twisted, bad Luis Enrique-Tachtsidis lovechild karma/juju, mumbled out by Rosella Sensi and De Rossi’s ex-wife dressed up as witches.

No seriously, what are the people at FIGC smoking caus it’s clearly some good sh*t. What’s up with those Monday evening games? No one cares… and yet, they were all proven wrong. Because even though Christmas is still far away, they missed THE miracle of the year on Monday. Goicoechea had a clean sheet. Eat your heart out Santa!


Trashing Torino


It was worth the wait. It was nervous at times but they did found a hole in Torino’s wall after all. Typical danger from counterattacks as usual, Zemanstyle. Again, no one cares. Three golden rules count: 1) get the ball 2) run with it to the goal 3) score. It doesn’t get much easier than this (well, maybe committing suicide when listening to Justin Bieber and Katy Perry’s greatest hits on volume 80) but you get the picture. Hard fought win that’s for sure but it was needed. Every team ahead of us apart from Roma 2.0 (Fiorentina) lost points last weekend. A Scudetto push it is not but EL is closer and even CL is not unthinkable, given that there are still 25 games to play. That’s 23 x 3: 75 points, God I feel like Stephen Hawking talking to Jersey Shore members.


Pjanic. Pjanic Pjanic Pjanic. The guy deserves a starting spot. In fact, after Totti and Goicoechea (just kiddin’) he should be the first name drawn on Zeman’s board. If he leaves in January, I’ll personally fly to Rome myself to protest fully nude and soaked in Bosnian rakija to prevent it from happening. Just like I would get a Brazilian wax down below in order to keep Marquinhos. Speaking of Brazilians, kudos too to the Brazilian connection at CB. Balzaretti must be drowning in Portuguese instructions, shouting and swear words back there.


Ps: Torino hadn’t lost an away game this season until Monday. Sounds like Volkswagen just beat the crap out of FIAT ey?


Pss: To stay in the world of cars: if one footballer should ever rightfully claim the nickname ‘the Tank’, it’s our bald guy right here. A Ballon d‘Or winner he will never be but it’s a good feeling that there’s always someone to cover Daniele.

Award


One special mention/award I’d like to dedicate in this TT is this one:


The Simplicio award: Marquinho. Very usefull player but kind of a difficult puzzle: too good to be on the bench, not talented enough to start on this team with the likes of Balzaretti, Pjanic, Florenzi. Marq has featured in ten games out of thirteen right now and that's not a coincidence. He is practically Zeman’s no1 choice as sub and he’ll always do something good when coming of the bench. I won’t blame him if he leaves in January because he deserves to start, albeit not with a top team. But I really hope he isn’t bored on that Roman bench, we can and will need him a lot this season.

Sorry this is a rather short post but Roma’s Monday game shortened my usual deadline for Tuesdays and one must not mess with Chris, Bren and Dhaw’s planning or otherwise we have to sent each other pictures of a naked Wilhelmsson and Diamoutene under the shower, a truly painfull process. Next week: Pescara. Who are in freefall mode. 1-4? 2-6? 3-5? Maybe even a Pescara win, who knows. But if the latter becomes true, expect another rout and crises luring behind the corner. Apocalypse Now and Saving Private Ryan would be fairgrounds compared to Trigoria for all I know. I'd prefer the porn version of the second: Shaving Ryan's privates but hey, that's just me. Enjoy the week and until the next one!

“As his wife, then as his ex-wife, I always told him to take the money and leave. However, he always replied that he is attached to this jersey, to the team and his city, so could not do that to the fans. Only now he sees those same fans turning against him.Has he lost his desire to stay with Roma? No, unfortunately. He loves Roma and the fans too much.” – Tamara Pisnoli, Daniele De Rossi’s ex-wife, 2012.

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