Totti Tuesday (birthday edition): ‘Pokémon, cigars & Viagra’

Paolo Bruno

Last weekend, the legendary legend became even more… eeeeerrrgh, well legendary. Roma icon Francesco Totti surpassed Giuseppe Meazza with 221 Serie A goals to become Serie A’s third top scorer. Next up is Gunnar Nordahl with 225, beyond that, who knows? With a Totti in such fine form, anything is possible.

In the same weekend where another record was broken by Messi-as, Totti (who is 11 years older) continues to shine under Zeman while receiving not as much praise as the former. One can argue and throw around prizes, statistics and so on to compare the two but Messi will never reach the pure vista from Totti. Totti is Totti. May the ageing process by kind to him and everything else Roma-related. And my boner attacks, those things really need to stop after rewatching highlights including Roma manlove, Destro pole dancing or spotting Ilary Blasi in the stands.


Fiorentina Frenzy


As you might know, Roma played on my birthday and gave me one of the best gifts I could imagine.
1) A win against one of our most important challengers for Europe
2) An near perfect ten showing of our number ten
3) A reason to instantly turn into this kid after checking the score on my phone Saturday night, no kidding. You know, in a weird sort of way, Roma IS like Pokémon: gotta catch ‘em all (the heart attacks that is).


Among my presents were alcohol and cigars (here I thought Roma would be the nail on my coffin one day) but, saying this with the utmost respect for my friends’ gifts, Roma’s win really was the icing on the cake. We’re finally in a European spot for the first time this season and are the team in form right now with 12/12. No team has won four in a row except Roma in Serie A. Lazio and Milan follow with 10/12. Yes, it was against mostly ‘minor’ teams but not that long ago, losing points against the same ‘minor’ teams was the reason we didn’t qualify for CL or worse, won a scudetto.


It’s too late to say babysteps but I prefer calling it Roma’s growing pains/reaching puberty. Just wait until Zeman’s boys start to become a real man (moustache included) and cock slap the teeth out of every other team. It could have been 3-3 but also 5-3 if Destro was a little sharper in front of goal. Zeman outsmarted Montella this time while Fio missing Jovetic surely helped too. Then again, Roma didn’t start any of Stek, DDR, Burdisso, Osvaldo and Lamela as well. That was one God damn badass bench we had there on Saturday. There were worse times, cough Diamoutene cough.

Awards

The ‘Will Smith in I am Legend’ award: Totti. Nuff said really. Badass to the bone.

The ‘hellooooo, I am not Adriano’ award: Castan. Because he scored. And he’s Brazilian.

The ‘Apocalypse Now’ award: Marquinho. Mindbaffling stuff. Mark didn’t get subbed against Fiorentina. Instead, Zeman opted for beard buddies Perrotta and Daniele to enforce the midfield. Seriously, what was he thinking?

Notes

• Seems like our boy Marquinhos won’t leave Roma after all in January for a U20 Tourney. Good move from Roma and this can only benefit us. Burdisso? Not so much. Him, Stek and Osvaldo are names being thrown into the winter mercato lately. Mostly because of the evolution, rise and adaption of Marquinhos, Goicoechea and Destro. They all carry heavy wages but showing them the door just for the sake of saving wages is a huge risk. Who are gonna replace them on the teamsheet? Svedkauskas? Romagnoli? Tallo? Nay I say. We need all the bodies we can get to keep this momentum. Wait until April and when Goicoechea turns into the next Buffon before we take rash decisions.

• Next up (and this one’s very very soon): Atalanta tonight. And guess whay, we have a Lopez sighting. The return of the killer rabbit.

• Talking ‘bout Coppa: Zeman wants it. I can imagine, after a pretty meager trophy list during an almost-30-year-old coaching career (aka zilch), winning the Coppa equals the WC + CL + a free box of Viagra for our dear Zdenek. Time for Totti to finally give Zeman his deserved shiny prize. That would read like a fairytale book, just like the 09-10 season.

Bren or Chris will handle the Atalanta game soon and we can expect some changes by Zeman in the lineup. After that, Roma visit the Flying Donkeys in what will be the very last game we see of Roma like…everrr. Milan-Roma is planned on December 22nd, as we all know just one day too late on the Mayan calendar.


Hey, at least it saves us the sight of El Sharaaway menacing our defenses and Bojan doing his best Justin Bieber impersonifictaion during a HT concert. As always, thanks for reading, ciao!

“It’s only normal that people criticise when the results don’t come, but now we are doing what the Coach asks and you can see the difference. Now more than ever we are a happy group glad to be playing an always attacking style of football. We’re all pushing in the same direction. If we carry on with this unity then we can achieve some great things.” – Francesco Totti, 2012

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