Totti Tuesday: ‘Nokia, GTA & The Hobbit’

Gabriele Maltinti

Tuscan curse? Which Tuscan curse? Destro haunted his former club while Perrotta reminded everyone how the year 2006 felt with his first goal in Serie A since season 2010-2011. Three wins in a row but sadly, not much progression in the standings. Just like my private parts in winter, Fiorentina and Lazio are tough nuts to crack…

Swashbuckling Siena


Zeman started with Pjanic in the front three and put Osvaldo, who apparently had some minor injury problems, on the bench. Tachtsidis and Bradley in midfield, alongside Florenzi who has gone from unknown Primavera-youngster and Serie B-material to Italian international and fourteen Serie A games in fifteen (with two goals) this season. All this in the space of four months. Roma can do that to you.


To be honest, I only watched the highlights of Siena. I wasn’t home during the game. For schoolwork, I had to watch a Belgian football match on Sunday at the same time and write an article about it. I checked the result via my cell phone (an old Nokia, nothing flashy, kid's these days only talk 'bout Apple, apps and touch screen) and was actually quite surprised about the win. At home, Siena had only lost to Juve prior to the Roma game so we knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Luckily we brought back home three points because a draw or loss would have surely ended our hopes for CL and maybe even EL.
I especially liked the manlove during Perrotta’s celebration, which shows he’s still very popular among the lads, and both Florenzi and Pjanic’ assist at Destro’s second goal. Osvaldo would have missed one of those two… but would have eventually scored a ridiculous fotogenetic bicycle kick from outside the box nonetheless. Siena’s goal was simply a well taken header, perhaps the Brazilian Budies Castan and Marquinhos were a little too soft in the duel with Neto but it isn’t the first time Roma brainfarted on a dead ball situation. I've seen worse.

The Two Towers

I’m going to break a leg here and feel free to comment below. Am I the only one that thinks Roma look far better and amass more points when Daniele or Stek anno 2012 (preferably both of them at the same time) are not on the field? And to play the devil’s advocate: both are not exactly young anymore: 29 and 30 respectively. Please don’t write in the comments that I want them out, I just give you some stuff to think about. Maybe a world with Goicoechea’s, Bradley’s, Florenzi’s and Tachtisidis’ ain’t that bad after all? Now, I know the last three opponents weren’t exactly top level and the names I just mentioned are not ready for CL… yet. Daniele and Stek on the teamsheet give Roma something extra, some more ‘panache’ if you may. But ask yourself the question: is it because of the quality they bring to the team an sich or simply because their name rings a bell worldwide and we want to brag about it? As a trainer, do you play the eleven best players or the best eleven players? Some deep psycho sh*t going on here but I feel Roma fans need to face/address the situation calmly. Money from possible sales could be reinvented in areas in need of reinforcement like the backs, wingers or a regista. Again, give your thoughts below but for the love of God, do so in a propriate manner, with respect. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. Kumbaya-my-lord, kumbayaaaa.

Appointing Awards


The Youtube award: Goicoechea. Easy. First, watch his famous Youtube clip. Done? Now watch his ‘assist’ right before Destro’s second goal (at the 3.17 mark), throwing out very fast and very far. Every other keeper would have kept the bal, stealing some precious time from Siena since it was almost FT. But Goicoechea went… well, full Goicoechea, and created an instant counter attack which eventually sealed the win. He’s like a bonus third CB with better long range passing than De Rossi, what’s not to be loved about Mauro? His howler against Lazio is long forgotten.


The Demi Moore in Striptease (1996) award: Destro. The way he rides them corner poles… Makes every hooker from GTA Liberty City to GTA Vice City jealous. And I owe them all money…


The Damiano Tommasi award: Perrotta. Because I like my midfielders Italian, tireless and hard-working, scoring the odd goal every now and then. It was a kinda lucky goal due to bad defending from Siena but Simone perfectly placed the ball in the lower left corner. It doesn’t always have to be a tap-in right?

Purple Prince wants Payback


Roma against Roma. Is it realistically possible? Nay. But it comes damn close next week when Fiorentina aka Roma 2.0 come to town. Montella, Toni, Pizarro, Aquilani, Prade, Jovetic… So many old faces, so many rivalries with the Viola. Throw in the fact that three points separate them both in the standings and the game is on.
What’s even better is that the game is being played on my very own birthday! Meaning I’m gonna be drunk whatever the outcome but if they win, I’m gonna do my very own Demi Moore slash Mattia Destro-personification at the local bar, stained pants included. Pictures will be posted worldwide on Facebook to condemn myself to an underground cave for the next couple of years rehabilitating alongside Adriano’s eating disorder, Xavier’s abysmal haircuts, Giuly’s reaction to The Hobbit and Loria’s loss of everything-football-related-senses. Thanks for reading, until next week!

“There is still something missing that we need to make that leap. We just need to make that one last step in order to become a real team. As soon as we do that, we can focus on challenging for the title – because this team has undoubted quality.” – Federico Balzaretti, 2012.

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