Totti Tuesday: ‘Candy shops, Messi crying and the Blue Oyster Bar’

ROME, ITALY - APRIL 11: Daniel Osvaldo of AS Roma celebrates after scoring the opening goal during the Serie A match between AS Roma and Udinese Calcio at Stadio Olimpico on April 11, 2012 in Rome, Italy. (Photo by Paolo Bruno/Getty Images)

If there was one song that would define Roma’s 2011-2012 season, it would be Katy Perry’s Hot ‘n Cold (just read the lyrics). But the match against Udinese sure was ‘fireworks’ (to keep the Katy Perry analogy rolling).


The abysmal loss at Lecce was followed by a great reaction by the team against Udinese. To be honest, after Fernandes equalised just before the break, I would have bet my house on it that the game would end in a draw. But then, the captain cometh: Il Capitano scored in the 86’ minute (he says ‘scusate il ritardo’ btw), followed by a sweet Bojan rush and Marquinho header.
If Marquinho could somehow find a way to tie his head to his left foot, he would be crowned capocannoniere easier than 50 cent trying to get laid in a candy shop (seriously, this whole post reeks of bad songs, sincere apologies about that).

Udinese: Great movement, barely any sign of fatigue, they didn't lose confidence after the 1-1, great link up between Osvaldo and Totti, sufficient amount of manlove, great goals, Kjaer didn’t look particularly shaky, LE made substitutions (!)… Clearly the right reaction of the team although the Lecce loss stays inexplicable. To be fair, Udinese didn’t have the best of games so there was no room for overenthusiasm.
Anyway, babies were made that night at Rome, let’s just hope for the women Taddei was not involved. CL at -5 (Lazio have better head-to-head results so who have to surpass them) while the Viola were coming to town on Sunday. Don’t forget the vengeance factor too, in December we lost 3-0 with Juan, Gago, Bojan all send off. Thus, motivation wouldn’t be a problem. Plus, Amauri ‘I play like sh*it but always score against Roma’ was suspended too.
Fluffy unicorns and all, but still the inconsistency made me nervous (last 5 games previous to Viola: WLWLW). And Fiorentina did win in Milan not so long ago. As I said, blowing hot ’n cold, my Roma.

But as we all know by now, Serie A this weekend was cancelled due to the death of Piermario Morosini, a midfielder of Livorno who play in Serie B. Hence my condolences to family, friends, staff and players of Livorno. Morosini was only 25 years. Makes the loss at Lecce a little more bearable: there are far more important things in life than 11 players with the same jersey runing after a ball, the health of our dear ones in particular. One less Roma game but the drama stays nonetheless, not in the Olimpico but in the Tuscan region this time.

And still, the cruel thing is: life goes on. And so does the footballing world. Date and time of the Fiorentina match will be announced shortly I presume. Roma-Fiorentina on April 25th so the next game is against and in Juve this weekend. Pink fluffy unicorn just became a gray dead parrot.

Notes of last week:

• Fun fact of the day: Roma can still be crowned champions in 2012.
Juve ‘jailbird rock’ 68 points
Roma ‘drama boys’ 50 points

6 games left to play (6 x 3: 18). Roma would therefore have to win all its remaining games while Juve and preferably Milan too have to lose all of them, plus Roma have to get a better-head-to-head result too. Roma-Juve in December ended 1-1. Easy peasy right LE? Holy guacamole, I just gave a new dimension to the word optimism.

• Forget Rossi. He injured himself again(his right knee ligament ruptured once more),won’t play the Euro’s and will be out of action for about six months. That’s October at best and the question is, HOW will he come back? Motivated or afraid? A broken man or a man trying to prove himself? Fact is, if the management would try to make a move for him, he would miss preseason and the beginning of the season and we all know how important that is. We can’t make the same mistakes again, we need a good view on our first team by the start of August and Rossi would still be a big question mark by then. Not to mention the price we have to pay for him, crazy Villareal owners and so on.

Both Rossi and Isla, two men perfect for our system, both gravely injured after being linked with Roma… Somewhere, Lionel Messi is fearing for his life.


I’m also 1% less optimistic about Italy’s chances at Euro 2012. The combo Rossi-Cassano worked fine but also Cassano is having difficulties reaching full fitness ahead of the tournament. Enter Roman duo Fabio Borini and Pablo Osvaldo. And if they have Burger Kings in Poland or Ukraine, let’s naturalize Simplicio too as well.

• I hated the rumours about Calgiari duo Cannini and Astori. Why? Simple. Because after all these years, if there was ever one man we should buy from Cagliari, it’s Daniele f*ckin Conti. Seriously, he costs us 4 points a season. That’s CL qualification right there. I like Astori though, cheaper and already lots of Serie A experience at his age, he’s like a poor man’s Kjaer but tattoo free.

• Curci and Lobont were out for Fiorentina so Primavera product Pigliacelli was named to be on the bench. His first name? Mirko. Somebody get that boy some pants before Saba notices it.

• Juan and Flamengo. He has one year left on his contract, he’s 33 and made from glass, Roma being linked to CBs left and right… Tie up the loose ends yourself. Whatever happens, I do hope we have at least ONE Italian CB in Roma next season. Roma is the capital of the country which practically invented classy defending and delivered some of the world’s finest defenders: Maldini,Facchetti, Gentile, Baresi, Bergomi, Scirea, Cannavaro, Nesta and of course Simone frikkin’ Loria. For now, Bocchetti or Astori will do in my opinion. Or some random 18-year-old Brazilian or Argentinian wonderkid, they supposedly grow on trees there. I’d also like to see Nego being given a shot with the first team in summer or at least loaned to another Serie A team, kid’s been lighting up our left back since he came to Rome according to Primavera reports.

• Jovetic: He looks like the love child of Taddei and Puyol, that’s a +1 in my book. Instead of Behrami, who’s the love child of Beckham and a random member of the Blue Oyster Bar.

So that’s it ladies, only one Roma game instead of two. A week of joy and unfortunately also sorrow. I’m sure there are good times ahead though. Keep the faith as Bon Jovi would say. Ciao!

(My wtf moment of the week)
"Claudio Ranieri is the principle reason I failed at Roma. He tried to destroy me." - Julio Baptista, 2012

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