Totti Tuesday: ‘Manure, Brazilian blobs & estrogen’

ROME, ITALY - JANUARY 29: Fabio Simplicio of AS Roma shows his dejection during the Serie A match between AS Roma and Bologna FC at Stadio Olimpico on January 29, 2012 in Rome, Italy. (Photo by Paolo Bruno/Getty Images)

Serie A standings, 30 games played:


3 Lazio 51 pts (CL qualification)
4 Napoli 48
5 Udinese 48
6 ROMA 47

Hope. There, I said it. Sue me. Or let me watch some highlight reels of Adriano in giallorosso while wearing a ‘4 WILHELMSSON’ shirt. Or lock me up in a cellar with a Laziale and a goat demanding a threesome (the Laziale obviously because goats can’t speak duh). I don’t care. I believe and for the sake of Roma, everyone tifoso from LA to Bangkok should do too.

The stage is set: next week a visit to bottom club Lecce while Lazio and Napoli play eachother, then week 32 at home against Udinese while Lazio visit Juventus.


Talking ‘bout having a threesome, check this pic. Baggio visited Trigoria some days ago and was quite optimistic about LE’s training methods. If the Divine Ponytail says so, it must be true… Then again, Roma legend Giuseppe Giannini believes the praise around LE is not fully justified. You can read it here.

LE has lovers and haters (just read this blog for instance) but so do Guardiola, Mourinho and Ferguson. I’m not blind for his shortcomings but I’m also not blind for his and the team’s progression up until now. He still has to learn but I believe he’s slowly convincing more and more fans to back him.
And please for the love God, someone anyone, crop away Lobont on the right of Totti-Baggio, it hurts my eyes. It’s like taking a picture of two shiny Lamborghini’s and one Lada covered in manure.


The Scudetto was always a target in 3-4 years. LE said it, the owners said it and even the players. Of course one can always dream of a sudden championship victory. Like AZ and Twente did in the Netherlands, Dortmund and Wolfsburg in Germany and currently Montpellier in France. In Serie A and football history in general, there have been plenty of surprises and many more will come.
Making up a 4 point difference (actually 5 because Lazio have better head-to-head results in the derbies which means if we end with the same points as them, they finish ahead of us) in 8 games is not a mammoth task, even for an inconsistent side. Speaking of inconsistency,time for a fun fact of the day:

The whole of Serie A is playing inconsistent nowadays, no one has won its last 4 games while only Milan/Juve have 10 points out of 12. Then comes… Roma with 9 out of 12. The only loss was in Milan which as I said, is not the end of the world. Everyone else from Lazio to Cesena has been playing inconsistent in the last month. Our rivals:
Udine 2 out of 12 / Napoli 5 out of 12 / Lazio (chi?) 3 out of 12

Nerves? Tiredness? Laziness? I admit, not every win of us has been a confident and convincing one but it clearly shows that every club can lose points in every week. Again, one can dream. And you should do too, with a Spanish coach and Brazilian blob playing in the midfield or not.

Ever since the US and A took over, I always knew that the Scudetto wouldn’t be a target this season, even qualification for Europe was questionable. New owners, new players, new inexperienced coach, new and young players, new sporting director, new managers… It has been a season of change, because change is the only constant. And as we all know, Roma likes to keep things simple (duh). However, I do think qualification for Europe (be it EL or CL) is a must. European games attract players, money and keeps the focus on football. Plus, I frikkin love Roman midweek games. It’s like having sex but in midweek instead of drunk weekends.

Ow yeah, Osvaldo: 10 goals in Serie A. Marco ‘15 000’ Borriello & Mirko ‘gosh how did I miss that’ Vucinic: 5 goals in Serie A. So in a way, Osvaldo is two times better as Borriello and Vuci combined. Interpret it the way you like but I will get my Pullitzer Prize. No one beats the original Johnny Depp, Jack Sparrow.

About the Torres rumors: ‘nuff said. As much as I love some firepower, I hope the Mr X is someone for defense or midfield. The defense particularly will be a mess in the summer and we have to wait and see how Burdisso is going to recuperate from his horror injury.
Giuseppe Rossi has been mentioned a lot since Saba brought up the Mr X debate and he seems perfect for the management as he is American-Italian and he fits our system but we’ll have to wait. If he wants to come, he’ll come eventually. First let Saba work his magic on the other departments. Rossi is born in New Jersey for your information. If you ever watched an episode of the reality show Jersey Shore, now you know why he immigrated to Europe. Pauly D rocks though:

Novara: Roma scored 5 goals without Borini. Has the world gone mad? Marquinho even made both goal.com and football italia’s team of the week. Nice to see the manlove return after the Bojan and Simplicio goals. And I saw Simplicio sweating after minute two one. Minute one. Better close the Burger King near Trigoria soon.
The defence was shaky at times but does it surprise you? We had 2 midfielders playing in defence and a Kjaer searching his best form. Oh how I miss thee Juan and Scarface! It should be noted that Novara’s second goal was clearly offside so I don’t blame Kjaer for it, only the estrogen of the linesman’s wife (as too much sex is bad for the eyesight my daddy told me).
Yes I know, it is only Novara but do not underestimate the power of confidence, it can do wonders in the next couple of weeks. CL qualification and all… Of course knowing la mia Roma, if we lose in Lecce next week, all is lost and I’ll be bitching about it in my next post. Because this is just how we Romanisti role.


To end, the things I expect from Rodrigo ‘why the long face’ Taddei in 2012:
- look as good as Borriello on a picture
- substitute Willem Dafoe in a Hollywood movie
- play GK for Roma and being pretty damn awesome doing so, leaving Stekelenburg as 2nd choice
- hit Igli Tare with a golf car

See you next week! Ciao!

"I'm happy with my colleagues and everyone. Even with the journalists. No, that's a joke. I might stay here in Rome for ten years." – Luis Enrique, 2012

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