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An Open Letter to Massimo Moratti

Dear Massimo,

First, I would like to congratulate you on your second* consecutive Scudetto*. Also, let me offer my condolences on your impending loss of He-Man. Excuse me, Hernan Crespo. I write to you as a faithful and concerned supporter of Associazione Sportiva Roma. You may not be pleased with your Roman rivals as of late, but you must respect their thorough dismantling of your mercenaries. Despite the recently frosty relationship, I come to you with a massive favor request. I must implore you to offer a lengthy contract to one Alvaro ‘El Chino’ Recoba. One which he cannot not refuse. As you may know, Alvaro has recently stated to Italian media his great desire to pull on a Giallorossi shirt next season. I must, let me reiterate - I absolutely must, beg you to not allow this to happen. Granted, El Chino has some of the greatest potential in world football; but we prefer players with potential to be around, oh say, 20. Not 31 years old. Also, due to the wages he will demand, AS Roma prefers not to pay in excess of one million euros per goal. Which would undoubtedly be the case. If he ever manages to make it on the pitch. Though Recoba could surely prove himself fit for roughly 15 minutes per game, even his stellar stamina and fantastic immunities are not required in Rome. Surely, he has inspired the tremendous workrate and integrity of L’Imperatore, and though his dressing room demeanor would be a boon to any club, he must better be served in Milan. We urge you to keep El Chino amongst the San Siro faithful, as he must remain an Internazionale icon forever. In return for your generosity, we will allow you to believe you will acquire David Suazo this summer for another 2 weeks; as well as exclusive rights to Luis Figo's soul(They were residing with Lucifer, who happens to run Al-Ittihad). If you do not comply with this request, we have no choice but to embrace Alvaro as one of our own. We shall just send him his passport and invite him to la citta eterna with open arms.


A Faithful Giallorossi Supporter