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Hey Chivu: Go @#$% Yourself


Christian Chivu to Madrid is not so imminent? After Roma reportedly agreed to €18m for Chivu from Real, we all deduced that Chivu was gone and will be playing his home game at the Bernabeu. Not so fast. Chivu, or his agents - whoever the hell is running this show, still needs to agree to a contract with Real, and it's not such a foregone conclusion. Mediaset's website has reported there are three reasons why Chivu may not wind up in Madrid afterall:

a) I assumed Real's €5m per annum offer was after taxes, when it is in fact BEFORE taxes. Huge difference. We broke this down in the comment thread yesterday and it makes sense. Inter's offer was for €4.5-5m per annum NET, which means Moratti was going to be paying roughly 9 FUCKING MILLION EUROS PER YEAR for Chivu. Unfuckingbelievable. For a guy likely to play LB? No wonder Barca got sick of his demands. Real's offer works out to roughly €3.8m after Spanish taxes, so that's €4.8m difference over the life of a 4 year contract (math major, trust me here), which isn't exactly pocket change for most people.

What we do know is this: Chivu's self-worth is nowhere near his real value. It's becoming more and more apparent he's just a greedy scumbag (or his agent's worth, but isn't your agent really just a representative of who you are?). Oh, and for what it's worth, that €3.8m number is €200,000 above the high end of Mexes' contract after those not so unattainable performance bonuses. You know, the games played, last name Mexes, awesome blonde highlights variety. So, if he does take that offer from Real, his goal was never to sign with Roma. Because a player who obviously thinks that highly of himself to demand that kind of money would obviously think that he could obtain such bonuses with little difficulty.

b) The death of defender's careers once they move to Madrid from abroad. Roma fans don't have to look too far in the history books, Walter Samuel was a disastrous flop after being dubbed one of the best defenders in the world and netting Roma a cool €25m for his sale. There are plenty of names of player's who have not lived up to their billing in Madrid, defenders or otherwise (a few more ex-Giallorossi make that list). It could be a multitude of things, including playing on probably the stage with the most expectations in Europe. The Club of the Century's fanbase expects nothing but title after title after title after title. Nothing but near perfection is accepted. Maybe Chivu isn't suited for a spotlight of that magnitude. A very real concern for him.

c) Supposedly an "anonymous" Romanian buddy of his hasn't exactly sung the praises of Bernd Schuster, widely assumed to be the next Real Madrid future ex-manager (and reportedly already calling the mercato shots). This "anonymous" Romanian buddy probably couldn't be Cosmin Contra, could it? Who has been at Getafe with Schuster since 2005 and, from what I can tell, the only Romanian on the roster? It's definitely not him. No.........

I'll admit, I really wanted to send Chivu out on a high note. Not yelling and screaming that he's overrated, Roma could do better, we were better off without him, we've already found someone else and he's really not that good in bed. But it's getting more and more difficult by the day to look upon him favorably. Roma may have been at fault for not taking care of this sooner, but as of late, this is 100% Chivu burning his bridges and showing his true colors. I have no clue what's going to happen at this point, but I would not expect hell to freeze over if Chivu played out the year with Roma and then signed with Inter on a Bosman next summer. It's becoming very plausible that Real could do what Barca did and say "fuck off, you're not that good" and walk, leaving Inter as the only option. I think they learned something from the Antonio Cassano situation and have made the right choice to sell immediately, but this time Roma may be fucked over by the player. They just cant win.

After growing up as a Roma and Boston Red Sox fan I fully expect to die before my 35th birthday. A man can only take so much. I'm now waiting for Juangate.

* - By the way, I'm laying down the law and imposing an embargo on all transfers involving ex-Ajax players, effective immediately. They produce some amazing talent, but this extracurricular crap is too much. If they somehow swoop in on Wesley Sneijder, Urby Emanuelson, John Heitinga or anyone else, I'm kidnapping them and holding them hostage until Roma agrees to relinquish their rights. And I want a briefcase that I can handcuff to my wrist, too. Those things are awesome. And those little Lindt white chocolate balls. One million of them. Mmmmmm.

The Shit I Really Don't Care About Right Now But I'm Going To Tell You About It Anyway aka The News:

I) Now that it looks like Francesco Modesto may very well be headded to Udinese, I wonder if Spalletti decided he didn't want him anymore. Here's my take, and this is pure speculation, but I think that Spalletti decided the price Reggina (that €6m is looking true) was commanding wasn't worth it and that maybe he could get better value elsewhere. Spalletti has probably liked Modesto for awhile, but the rumors started popping up after the Jeremy Mathieu negotiations with Toulouse didn't pan out, with Roma rejecting Toulouse's request for roughly €5m (which is looking cheap right now, but I'm not going there). Now that Roma feels they are about to gain some significant capital from the Chivu sale, maybe they feel they can splash a little more cash that earlier anticipated - considering Rosella's declaration that they will be transferring that money straight to the mercato budget. So now they can go hard after a guy like Mathieu who may cost a little bit more than their original budget dictated. Spalletti is a Mathieu fan, so it's not a completely ludicrous theory. At roughly around €6-7m for both, I'd take Mathieu over Modesto in a second. Maybe Luciano feels the same way.

The again, conspiracy theories are fun but don't work out often. Kind of like dating a "nude model." Unless you're Andriy Shevchenko, of course. Bada boom.

And if you didn't know, nude model is the polite way to say soft-core porn figurine.

II) As part of that Chivu deal, reportedly Real agreed to a friendly with the majority of the rights (€) going to Roma. Is it me, or does it seem these friendlies are kind of desperate and needy? You know, kind of like the nerdy bookworm who tutors the popular dumb jock and in return he just wants to be seen in public with the jock? Then maybe people will think he's cool and some really skanky slut will let him in her pants. I'm pretty sure there may have been a TV show dedicated to this at one point. If not, I'm starting one. Starring A.C. Slater as the popular dumb jock and that guy Arvid from Head of the Class as the nerdy bookworm, with Paris Hilton as the skanky slut. Because she'll fuck anything.

III) I'm going to use this as a forum to express my severe distress with the current pecking order of clubs over to the right. Somehow, I've been knocked down to low man on the totem pole. Below such clubs as Palermo and fucking Napoli. Now, Joe has done a supremely fantastic job of covering the newcomers (seriously, if you haven't check it out), but they still haven't played a fricken Serie A game in how many years? I though it could be alphabetical with Roma but AC Milan is up top, when they're in the same situation. This is bullshit I tell you. Bullshit!

If you don't give me what I want I'm staying here for a year and then signing with another blogging site on a Bosman next summer. Ha!

IV) Vincenzo Montella might be headed back to Sampdoria again. Wake me up when there's some actual news.

* - The GHD may or may not be up tomorrow. I don't really know right now. I'm having a baaaaaaad week and Chivu is NOT making it any better.

Btw, I wrote this last night between 6 hour naps and I just woke up at 2pm ET. I'm on heavy medication and not in the most pleasant of moods so if any of it's wrong or something has changed - I just don't give a fuck. Group hug.