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S.S.C. Napoli 0 - AS Roma 2....I Think

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captde6ed3a367a44431bc9f747d85fa6ba0italy_soccer_nap106.jpg(See that right there? Problems my arse.)

I didn’t get to see it. Chances are you didn’t get to see it. And if you did, it was probably as easy to decipher the happenings as it would be to take a Rorschach test while some guy rubs Vaseline in your eye. Three cheers for Napoli and their television rights – see if Roma ever gives you a 4-4 draw again.

Therefore, since the only thing we have to go on is the wonderful highlights which the Calcio Stork may drop into our open arms and written reports, here’s a little breakdown of what we know and what we’d like to know.:


Particulars

NAPOLI: Gianello; Santacroce (36' s.t. Garics), Cannavaro, Contini , Mannini (18' s.t. Calaiò), Blasi, Gargano, Hamsik (33' s.t. Bogliacino), Domizzi, Lavezzi, Zalayeta.
A disp: Navarro, Grava, Montervino, Sosa.
All.: Reja

ROMA: Doni; Panucci, Mexes (45' s.t. Antunes), Juan, Cicinho; De Rossi, Aquilani (27' s.t. Pizarro); Taddei, Perrotta, Vucinic; Totti (42 s.t. Brighi).
A disp.: Curci, Mancini, Esposito.
All.: Spalletti

Marcatori: 2' p.t. Perrotta, 4' s.t. Totti (rig.)

Ammoniti: Mannini, Domizzi e Blasi.

Arbitro: Saccani di Mantova
Assitenti: Lion-Biasutto. IV uomo: Damato.

Note: Angoli: 7-6 per la Roma; Possesso palla: 53% a favore della Roma; spettatori: 60.000 circa.

What We Know

Francesco Totti has spent 500 games proving he’s better than everyone else.

It was Francesco’s 500th game in Giallorosso, which was capped off nicely with a peno and, supposedly, a virtuoso performance from the man they call Il Jesus. (“They” being “me”, but you knew that already.)

I think the most important things are best when simply stated (I can hear the guy in the back row going, “is that why you write so much?”), so here goes:

Grazie, and here's to 500 more.

It’s all about the beard.

You know when Simone Perrotta is actually hitting the back of the net something special is going on. The cement shoes were gone, and only Matteo Gianello could keep things relatively kosher for Napoli. What’s different since his last goal against Lazio (yes, Lazio – in October)? The beard. It’s gotta be the beard.

And therefore I’m contemplating going with the beard, both in Simone’s honor and because it might actually help out with those things I’ve been having difficulty accomplishing lately: like wearing pants; not confusing men’s deodorant for the women’s variety and walking down the city streets smelling like a freshly rained on meadow; not forgetting what socks I’m wearing and putting on high end Italian dress shoes over white, cotton Nike quarter socks and sitting down for the world to see; not having acute bouts of dyslexia when ordering a coffee (“milk coffee iced skim medium splenda turbo” – and you think I’m joking); not cycling through email on my phone and getting stuck with another person in a revolving doorway; and finally, not posting random embarrassing shit which has happened to me over the past week on the internet (minus the pants thing). I think a beard would help. Forza Simone!

Oh yeah, Roma…

Everbody’s safe.

Not a single yellow card for Roma, and everybody’s safe for the Milan game. You know what this says about Roma? They can impose their will upon a game and come out on top on all facets. This is a total team capable of complete football in more sense than just “attacking” or “defending”. I mean, guess how many yellow cards they had against Napoli the first time around……….pausing for dramatic effect………..

Two.

So maybe I’m wrong and this is a friendly derby. Butterflies and cupcakes all around. Group hug.

• - Since the platform we use has been crapping out and I’ve had to resort to Word to write these posts, I’ve realized two things from all the red & green underlines they’re throwing at me right now:
1. I have terrible sentence structure.
2. If you’re grammar is bad enough, Microsoft Word looks like you’re having a seizure at a traffic light.

Mirko has great taste.

And by great taste, we mean “he knows how to copy Philou”. I love those boots. I’m not sure they make a difference other than some kind of pseudo-psychiatric-wannabe-Pato-effect, but I like ‘em. (Boots + beard = total world dominance? Perhaps, perhaps…)

Roma can play some D.

So guess who’s tied for league lead in clean sheets with Inter this year? Yup. Not bad for a team which lost one of its starting CBs over the summer, eh?

Six points.....

It's doable. It's more than doable.

Questions I Would Like Answered About Napoli, Dammit

How good was Daniele De Rossi?

Was he just “he looks like Paolo Maldini and Conan The Barbarian had an offensively-gifted lovechild” good or was like “I think I need to change my pants” good. Usually it’s the latter, but I just need confirmation.

Was Cicinho leaving airplane hangar-sized spaces between himself and attackers or is his defending on the upward curve?

Seems like a logical question, given that it appears his playing time may be increasing steadily.

If Ludovic Giuly stood on top of David Pizarro, could they give Doni a high-five? And if so, would he care?

This has nothing to do with Napoli, it’s just a general question I’ve wanted to ask for awhile.

How many WMDs did Alberto release?

I get that he has a phenomenal outside shot, but I also gather that some of that possession could be more efficiently used. Maybe TGIP told him to ease his finger off the trigger a little bit this time around to see how things went otherwise. Seems a fair request.

OMR....the new YMR?

The guy is just firing crosses into the box from damn near his own half over the past week and the ball eventually, somehow winds up in goal. Is Roma utilizing some futuristic magnetic technology or has OMR found some sort of magical potion?

(Who cares, actually.)

Did Alberto make fun of Marek Hamsik’s tattoos?

You know, because it seems like it would be his thing.

Maurizio Domizzi: The lovechild of Steve-O and an Orangutan?

(All apologies to the orangutan.)

• - Also, a big ole vaffanculo to whoever decided on the pronunciation of “orangutan”.

That is all.