DE ROSSI Daniele
I won't lie, I don't pay any attention to Lazio whatsoever. They're a shite team with shite players. Since I avoid them at all costs, I gather the same can be said for many of the Giallorossi faithful - so here's a little breakdown of their squad.
Manuel Ballotta: I've seen fewer howlers and better keepers at the Blind Olympics.
Valon Behrami: Dude can flatulate balloon animals at this point.
Luciano Zauri: A little birdie told me he was the one who did in Jon Benet Ramsey, feel free to spread that around liberally.
David Rozenhal: Just opening up to this whole Gaby Mudingayi thing.
Lorenzo De Silvestri: The voluntary meat in an ovine sandwich.
Stefan Radu: Lazio fans are bemoaning the potential absence of a guy who, at one point, bled for the Giallorossi from Romania. They can't even get their own fans.
Sebastiano Siviglia: Poofter.
Cribari: Misconception is that he hurt his face, which was the reason for the girly painted mask. Wrong. Fact: it was cosmetic.
Christian Manfredini: You know the homeless guy you see on the street corner who asks you for money to eat, but yo know he's going to use it for booze? That's him, but he plays for Lazio. (Which I suppose is on par with being homeless.)
Cristian Ledesma: Just biding his time until he moves to Inter - trading one shitty blue for a darker, shittier version.
Gaby Mudingayi: Nuff said.
Ousmane Dabo: The Human Ashtray - the only good thing Joey Barton has ever done.
Mourad Meghni: "I like pistacchio ice cream, long walks on the beach, nude sunbathing and gerbils....concurrently."
Massimo Mutarelli: God, he's not even worth mentioning.
Stefano Mauri: Rumor has it he runs an underground prostitution ring involving underaged Asian boys. Feel free to spread that.
Tommaso Rocchi: Kill yourself.
Rolando Bianchi: Well....you know. Also, watch him running down the pitch today, he looks like Pamela Anderson in the opening credits of Baywatch.
Fabio Vignaroli: Striker. Take a look at this strike rate. Sounds about right for a Lazie.
Goran Pandev: "I just gave Rolando Bianchi the motorboat."
I'm sure I forgot some, chances are everybody else has also.
Panucci, Mexes, Juan, Tonetto;
Taddei, Perrotta, Mancini;
About right, perhaps.
* - This thing's coming off in segments today.