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Totti Tuesday: ‘Gandalf, dropping soap in showers & U2’

Just what exactly do Roma, Gandalf, 40-year old virgins and U2 have in common? Find out at Totti Tuesday!

Valerio Pennicino - Getty Images

Two games to discuss in this week’s Totti Tuesday. Double the drama, brainfarts and twice less underpants and sleep (because of secretly masturbating to Taddei making RB his own against Barcelona and owning Messi) . Fun times indeed. A recap including Old Ladies, legends and a serious injection of masochism. Right this way please, do mind the bumps on the road. Torino is like the Mount Doom of Serie A this season. But if even Gandalf seems excited, why shouldn’t we be the same?

Sampdoria shivers

For the faint of heart, here’s a quickie: Totti scored. Blablabla. 216 Serie A goals. Blablabla. I jizzed my pants. Blablabla. Legend. Blablabla. The end.

For the masochists a bigger review: what happened? ‘Roma happened’ (Chris’ best ever line since he was born). Great first half, bad second half. Seemed like they were gassed, afraid of the Bologna ghost but it happened anyway. After the equaliser they never put their foot on the peddle like they did in the first half, some weak shots from far but we spotted no real Zemanlandia.

So Zeman II starts with a loss and two draws after three home games. Not really the best way to keep the crowd coming to the stadium one would say but not under Zeman. You know, never slaves to the result etc. He doesn’t give a shit about anything… except Juve-related things. Because well, Juve are his bitch. Juve and Zeman are like a bull and a big fat red dot. Or Twilight and a vomit bucket. They’ll always be attracted to each other, even though it’s in a bad way.
The draw against Samp was bitter, mostly because it was due to a howler from a Roma player himself. I hereby declare the nickname Howlerenburg open to public!

Let’s be honest. After five games only two points from a CL place and five from the Scudetto with YOLO-football and a bunch of kids who never heard of Zeman before. Things could have been worse but also better if not for the Bologna and Sampdoria bloopers. And then there was a little matter of a visit to Torino ahead of us. I’ve never been more afraid of an Old Lady up till now I must admit.

Jitters in Juve

For the faint of heart: Perrotta played Saturday and Osvaldo scored, yay!

For the masochists: Their defense shits bricks, in mid they have a bearded (!) Pirlo and in attack someone with a Roma past, able to decide a game in just a few seconds… if he isn’t lazy that is. Rightout Scudetto favorites and one of our main rivals, maybe even more than Lazio this year because of Zeman’s history with the Old Lady. Unbeaten in 40+ Serie A games. There are far better things to do on a Saturday evening than watching your love being raped by an old lady (unless you want it of course, you dirty ‘ol man you).

The actual game and result were humiliating to say the least. And what’s even more sad is that Zemanlandia has the same points as LE did after six games into season 2011-2012. And then I don’t even bring up the ‘gift’ in Cagliari, we could have even less points if the game was simply postponed. Things are seriously wrong in Roma, as Sabatini stresses. It’s time to reflect all things Giallorosso and be humble. Right now we deserve that midtable position. Because Roma quite simply is a midtable team at the moment.
The 40-year old virgin award: all eleven players who stepped on the pitch Saturday, specially Lamela. For being afraid for old ladies, humiliated, laughed at, and manhandled from start to finish. Enjoy the award boys and don’t drop the bar of soap in the showers! Taddei is watching

Future frenzy

One upside is this: the schedule for next weeks looks alright and do-able (although things never are do-able in Romalaland, you just need to wait and see which side shows up: Jeckyll or Hyde). Atalanta, at Genoa, Udinese, at Parma and Palermo before the first derby of the season. After the derby Torino, Pescara and Siena. And by then, we’ll be December and hopefully more ‘Zemanlandia’ than ‘I want to rape myself with a cactus-landia’. The league table looks very packed and three wins in a row can be enough to make a huge leap forward.Three wins usually means consistency though, THE thing Roma lacks.
Oh yes, if you’re looking for a song to relate to during these dark times, here’s one I highly recommend from U2…

"Am I disappointed by Zdenek Zeman? No. I am disappointed by Roma, which includes myself. I do think we can grow and fight for third place, though. Do I have regrets at staying? Of course not and I never will. I am very happy here, although obviously defeats hurt me worse than anyone else." - Daniele De Rossi