Statistical Analysis Without The Analysis

Our young man Bren has done an excellent job of making this place more professional. A little bit like one of the brothers cleaned up the frat house one morning and everyone woke up to, "Whoa...this is...this ain't bad...this is actually really nice. Well done. We could get used to this....HEY! WHO TOOK THE KEG?!"

The statistical, objective bent is of particular enjoyment. The first one was a treat, so we should probably make this a "thing," and I should probably jump into the fray, since numbers and formulas and anything which doesn't require more than 12 nanoseconds of concentration is kind of my bag. Basically allowing one half of my brain to process things in a professional manner while the other half ruminates over the risk/reward of not wearing pants in public. So I kill the maths. Real good like. I mean, Osvaldo may think he's hardcore, but I spit Machine Gun Funk while killin' algebras right where they Lie. Love that stuff. No homomorphism.

And I know math can be confusing. I mean, I'm staring at books on my desk which can, when fluttered open, look like someone shat hieroglyphics onto some papyrus, even to the trained eye. So let's do this as simply and with as little regard for actual academic thought as possible.

• 4 x 3-2 Well this one's rather obvious, no? Four losses of 3 - 2. Tis a cursed scoreline, this. But it's also begging, no? 4 x 3 - 2 = 10. And ten is a number of grand significance to Roma.
  
  So clearly the solution is to sacrifice a lamb to Totti. Or a goat. Either works.
  
  Problem solutioned.

• 3.2 chances. That's how many Francesco Totti creates for him teammates on any given matchday, which is tops in Serie A.
  
  3-2. 3.2. Anybody seeing a connection? Again, sacrificing lambs, goats, farm aminals, ee-i, ee-i, oh no. Also, 3.2 is in the general vicinity of pi, which means there is some sort of significance, because mathematics is all about "in the general vicinity of." Fact.

• 2^nd Who Scored has Erik Lamela second best in Serie A this year.
  
  I’m gonna need one to wrap my head around this.

• 13. The number of times Nico Lopez has been on the bench. He’s played twice. Thirteen is also the number of minutes per goal for Nico this year.
  
  No, no one has any reasonable explanation as to why he doesn’t at least get another run out – Simone "Why Yes, I'm Fast & Technical" Perrotta is even higher on the winger depth chart now. His lack of an opportunity is nudging up next to the lost city of Atlantis and when remote controls evolved to having legs in terms of the world’s great mysteries.

• 53.92 + 6.42 x 59.39 + 5.11 = 5
  
  Little more seriouser, those numbers aren’t insignificant: the first set is possession + shots on target under Zeman, the latter are the corresponding values under Enrique. The two needn’t be mutually exclusive, but in terms of demands of the tactical philosophies for each coach, they are in Roma’s case.
  
  Five is the number of points this Roma has over last year’s Roma, with a freebie from Massimo Cellino’s Inner Workings Ltd.
• 58.5. Average possession in matches where Miralem Pjanic plays a minimum of 60 minutes. One of those matches was Bologna, when the wheels completely came off upon the right side (Miralem/Erik) being subbed out. Interestingly enough, Roma went 2-0-2 in those four matches. Both losses were 3-2 Hindenbergs after Miralem was removed from the pitch, so that number may shoot up if extracting only his time on the pitch. Probably definitely without a doubt not a coincidence, in some respects. No, possession doesn’t equate to victory, but it does sometimes equate to stability of an oft unstable system. It just needn't go into Overkill Nap Mode.
  
  This bears repeating what was said a couple of weeks ago (or perhaps last week): he does more for the defense than anyone else sitting in midfield right now. At least until DDR gets his beard together.
• 2.5. The number of fouls Francesco Totti wins per game, tops on the squad. He’s played 1068 minutes thus far.
• 2.2. The number of fouls Marquinho wins per game. 11 games, 1 start, 338 minutes.
  
  There’s a cheap tactic writing itself right there.
  
  Ignoring the fact that he’s often brought in late when the opposition is chasing and thus more space is afforded, a higher tempo, and fouls are more prone. But them’s just details.
  
  Diamanti’s leading the league on 4.2/g, for the record.
• 2.9. Number of "dribbles" Erik Lamela has per match, according to Who Scored. Which is of significance because…
  
  Well, I just like saying "dribbles" as a noun.
  
  Dribbles.
  
  
  That’s all for today’s edition of Cherry Picking Relatively Meaningless Statistics. See you next time for Why Ivan Piris Is 'Was Dribbled' 1.4 Times Per Match.