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Roma News & Notes & Lunch With Simplicio

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Simplicio's agent speaketh:

"Fabio è contento, ha un ottimo rapporto con Luis Enrique,rimarrà sicuramente in giallorosso anche il prossimo anno. Rinnovo del contratto? È presto per parlarne, si vedrà più avanti."

Allow me to do our non-Italian speaking brethren (and sistren - ahem) a favo(u)r and translate this dynamite news nugget*:

"Fabio had forty-seven glazed donuts this morning and he is berry, berry happy. He and Luis Enrique have discussed both his two-fisted and dunking techniques which he will work on through the next year plus, as he will, yes, remain in Rome. Has Fabio decided on a way to work crullers into his skill set? This is being considered by management as we speak, as they feel he is on his way to the cream-filled top, albeit with O2."


(What his agent really says is that he'll stay is Rome next year. What his agent is really, really saying is that since no one will eat his contract but Fabio himself, Roma's stuck with him not fitting the system for another year.)

* - Said translation may be completely inaccurate.


i. My portal of choice for Roma news has always been, predictably, RomaNews, the giallorosso's most trusted stalkerazzi. However, I've switched to laroma24 of late due to one very specific reason...and imagine this being yelled to an empty room, which it is so very often....

Stop playing the damn AfroBasket highlight every single damn time I click on the site. Just stop it. Get some fresh material. It's like Dane Cook circa forever.

I do, of course, realize that I could probably set up a one-time only Flash blocker, but I'm far too lazy for that. Harumph.

ii. Thus I popped over to my new BFF today, laroma24, to find this little gem:

Mercato, il sogno è Pedro

I'm sorry, but in just what world is Pedro a dream? I like the kid as a player and all, but if he's a "dream," it's time for fewer drugs. Or more. One or the other.

iii. And when I did pop back over to RomaNews, I was met with a FIFA agent spitting complete nonsense of a Neymar swoop. A fleeting bit and as impossible as improbable, but those are the type of rumors one likes to hear as "dreams," even if he does seem to be a Grade A female cleansing product. (The new Robinho in too many ways, in short.)

iv. And so I'm back to RomaNews until my head goes out a window, ruled Death By AfroBasket.

v. Adriano's a free agent again.

Live to dream.

vi. Roma inked a sponsorship deal with Disney. Clearly so that Sabatini gets first right of refusal on scouting finds at their parks.

Let's be honest for a second, however: If you saw Walter Sabatini - the guy that looks like this...or this - combing the grounds of a kiddie amusement park, what would you do? Anyone who says anything but "Lasso my child to my nearest appendage and call the police" is a terrible parent.

And that 'first scouting rights refusal' was a joke, but...I suspect making this team one entirely comprised of teenagers, adolescents and anyone whose umbilical cord has (or hasn't yet) been clipped would fulfill both the lurid and innocent desires of a few. (Luis, Walter...the check-cutting department.)

In reality, it's "brand exposure." Again: exposure, children, Walter Sabatini.....

vii. Both Francesco and Daniele dropped out of training today. Neither are due to be out for very long, one would suspect, or else we would've seen Occupy Wall Street Roma 2.0 hit the mainstream news and my phone would've melted.

Also, Francesco is offering his aid to some national tour to support infertile young men.

I think what they're trying to say is Francesco's being put out to stud while his career is still running. Hero, that man.