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Totti Tuesday: ‘Don’t mention the war, Steven Seagal & boy bands‘

FLORENCE, ITALY - MAY 21:  Fabio Borini of Italy during a training session at Coverciano on May 21, 2012 in Florence, Italy.  (Photo by Claudio Villa/Getty Images)
FLORENCE, ITALY - MAY 21: Fabio Borini of Italy during a training session at Coverciano on May 21, 2012 in Florence, Italy. (Photo by Claudio Villa/Getty Images)
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It’s officially official: we own Borini. Roma offered 4.9-5.3 million, Parma 4.1-4.2 (thanks to various reports around the net). Close call but Borini stays at Roma. And that’s a good deal, if not great. Best damn news of the week if you ask me, apart from my exams which have ended *backflip*. I like the kid. He scored nine goals in Serie A as a 21-year-old during his first season at a big club, with all due respect to Swansea. I refuse to believe he’s not a player for Zeman’s system. He can play either striker or wide, he has spirit, likes to make runs and work his ass off. He may disappear in games from time to time but as long as he keeps baggin’ em in, he’s as good as a starter in my book. Under Zeman’s 4-3-3, he will flourish just like Bojan, Lamela and our weekly orgasms, looking at crappy Romanian streams while not wearing any underwear.
Btw we also own Tallo now (19-year-old Ivorian striker, Drogba type,ex-Chievo youth product) but he’ll probably get loaned out or stay at Primavera for now. He made a good impression on me at the end of last season, even gave an assist in the Napoli game if I’m not mistaken. Let’s hope he doesn’t become the next Okakashukamuthafucka. Speaking of Okaka…. how’s Pit doing in Romania?

Zeman? Chi?

Holy Guacamole, Mourinho just did a ‘Luis Enrique’ on Zeman: “I didn’t know he was the Roma Coach and I’ll have to catch up on what he’s won. I’m on holiday at the moment, but I have some free time and I’ll look to inform myself with the help of Google.”
Zeman (unlike 3/4 of England) doesn’t think highly of Mourinho and labelled him as a mediocre coach. “I respect the opinions of everyone and that includes Zeman but who is he? Where does he play?”, dixit Mourinho.
Now, I’m not a big fan of Mou but I guess we all saw that one coming. Zeman himself probably too. Fact is, Mou did won a lot of things in his career up until now while being sixteen years younger than Zeman. So Zeman calling Mou ‘mediocre’ was kinda sorta like drinking fuel and pissing in someone’s campfire: you know what’s coming at ya. Nevertheless, I hope Baldini prints it and hangs it out at Trigoria. That should give Zdenek and the boys something to talk about.
As I said before, this is the perfect time for Zeman to have a shot at some silverware. I reckon a Coppa and CL qualification for 2012-2013 is doable. But only if the BullShit Boys (Baldini and Sabatini) do their homework and strenghten the club.
I know this all sounds like the script from a random Steven Seagal movie: incoherent, bad jokes, far from Oscar material… but once you start looking at one, you see it through till the end (Under Siege being my favourite but this completely and entirely out of the blue). And that’s exactly what’s going on with la mia Roma now: it’s all very uninspirational but exciting nonetheless.


• Okaka called me and said he was offended by my post. Yes, Okaka has my number. So do Dimitrios Eleftheropoulos , Pietro Pipolo, Sammy Kuffour and Shabani Nonda. They all say hi. They are currently playing in a boy band, maybe you remember their most famous hit ‘going throught the backdoor’. Anyone? No? Onwards then.

• Roma’s squad seems to be growing every day. Since last month, we have already welcomed back Brighi, Pizarro, Borriello, Julio Sergio, D’alessandro, Guberti, Virga, Barusso Antunes and Bertolacci among others. Florenzi from Crotone will come back too, Zeman rates him. Florenzi scored 11 goals in Serie B last season. Not bad for a 21-year-old midfielder. Trimming is a necessity this summer seeing we don’t have any European obligiations. I think somewere around 25-26 players should do the trick (three goalkeepers and Simplicio’s chin included).

• Daniele @ the Euros: Praise Jebus, what a stunner from Daniele in the opening minutes. That really deserved a goal. It’s been a while since I saw Daniele scoring a screamer anno 2006 or 2009. Daniele has been in good form this tournament but Italy as whole, not so much. They may be in the semies but they only won one game, against a dreadful Ireland while drawing three: Spain, Croatia and England. Four goals scored, three of those have come from set-pieces. They’ll need to eat a lot more spaghetti and pasta to defeat ze Germans. But under Prandelli and with geniuses Pirlo, Cassano and Buffon, who dares to bet against the Azzurri? As long as they don’t mention the war

As always, thanks for reading and see you next week!

“Soon I’ll meet up with Zeman and start preparing for next season. I want to be on form. What position will I play in? We’ll see where and more importantly if I’ll play...” – Francesco Totti, 2012.