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Totti Tuesday (Party Edition!): ‘Bunga Bunga, Mad Men & Braveheart’

My 25th post in Church which includes a Hall of Fame, retake on Cagliari and a small bit about Playboy parties and James Bond somewhere... Got your attention? Then find out more by reading this week's lemony-fresh Totti Tuesday!

Dino Panato - Getty Images

First things first: this is my 25th Totti Tuesday on Chiesa di Totti. Being a blogger here in Church for half a year and it only felt like two weeks. Roma does that to you. Please remind me to send you all a piece of my enormous bill of my cardiologist, shrink and my sometimes poor internet connection which fades away every time Roma scores a goal. Roma does that to the internet. Ow, I accept checks too thank you.

But this is only the beginning, just like Zemanlandia. Many more posts will follow so thank you all for reading my work and commenting on it late at night wearing no pants while you should be at work or school the very next day. I know what I’m talking about here. Passion, love, entertainment, severe alcohol intoxication… Again, Roma does that to you. Now, enough standing on ceremony here. Next up is the review of the Cagliari FC Daniele Conti game. Which really didn’t turn out as we expected it to be…

The name's Chaos. Cagliari Chaos

… Because the game was called of. Thanks to Cagliari’s childish president Massimo Cellino. Long story short: the stadium Is Arenas (what’s in a name?) of Cagliari was labelled ‘insecure’ by the FIGC and they condemned Cagliari to play against Roma behind closed doors, no tifosi allowed. No tifosi at a Zemanlandia game, that’s like no double D’s at a Playboy or Bunga Bunga party. Anyway, Cellino did a brainfart and urged the fans with a ticket to attend the game anyway. Big mistake. Best news is Roma got awarded a win (0-3) and move closer to Lazio, Sampdoria andNapoli and even surpass Inter.
Here’s Zeman’s take on it all. He’s right though, only in Italy such things happen. Cellino, Zamparini, Moratti, Moggi, De Laurentiis… I’m surprised they didn’t change the name of Italy’s national competition to Mad Men A or The Expendables A. But this one’s all Cagliari’s fault, Roma had nothing to do with it. Punishment was needed.
Soooo, things could’ve been worse: we ‘win’ a rather dangerous game (cough Daniele Conti cough) while we save extra fitness for the Sampdoria game in midweek. It only benefits Roma but then again, it’s one less game of Zemanlandia this season which makes this newly obtained three points vaporate into the air and turn into bloodshed tears. Tears of missing our weekly sight of Il Boemo secretly smoking on the sidelines. Tears of not seeing a midfield and attack with an average age of Pokémon fan meets Spongebob fan. However, do not despair. Zdenek and Roma will return soon… You know, just like James Bond movies in the cinemas.

P.s: Enjoy that clean sheet while you can Maarten, it’s the only one we’ll be getting this season.

Hall of Fame

Roma’s hall of the great, voted for and by the people on the official website of Roma and five people from an important committee (aka rich dudes).

Here are the eleven champs of our very own Hollywood Walk of Fame:
Marcos Evangelista de Moraes CAFU
Giacomo LOSI
ALDAIR Nascimento Santos
Francesco ROCCA
Paulo Roberto FALCAO
Roberto PRUZZO

Wait a moment before you paint your head like Mel Gibson in Braveheart, burn down villages near you and offer their babies to Satan. Yes, Francesco Totti is nowhere te be found but that’s because he was excluded from the list. People could only vote on players who have been retired for at least two years. So no Totti. And sadly, also no sign of Wilhelmsson, Carew, Nonda or Guillermo Burdisso… *sound of sarcasm detectors blowing up*

Some of us miss Giuseppe Giannini and I can’t prove them wrong. But this are only eleven (!) players chosen from Roma’s entire history (1927 till 2011, short Spanish siesta for one year then back 2012-…). Places were very expensive and there are also other names like Candela, Nela, Volk, Batistuta, and Delvecchio worth mentioning. There can only be eleven.
P.s: I demand a re-election when Totti retires. That team looks amazing on paper but it still misses THE greatest Roma player ever. Then again, we should be thankful France’ still wants to play on, maybe even till he’s forty.
P.s.s: Left back has always been a painful spot on Roma’s team. I’d opt for Candela but that’s just because I know very little of Francesco Rocca. I’m not THAT old you know...

Let’s hope for a good result Wednesday, Samp at home is always special. Ever since that day, I truly know how disappointment feels. Roma under LE? Phu. Roma-Arsenal? Yaawn. They all pale in comparison with Pazzini’s last gasp winner. I can’t think of anyone more perfect to settle the score than Zeman. For Roma. For Ranieri. For every single Giallorosso who got his heart broken that day. See you next week!

"Fortunately me and my staff had psychologist Joaquin Valdes with us in Rome, otherwise things would have been much worse." – Luis Enrique