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Womé Wednesday: ‘The cellar, Disney & gasoline’

Tallo scored for Ajaccio against Evian. Forget Parma-Roma or the derby, this sh*t is groundbreaking.

Claudio Villa

You want proof? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE PROOF! Ok, here it is. Warning: It’s French but at least it shows a pic of Tallo dressed in non-Roma colors. Evian aren’t exactly Barcelona or Bayern but it’s a start. They are more famous for their funny baby commercials than football skills. Besides, here at Roma we don’t do water. We prefer our beverages full of ethanol. The reason I wrote the Tallo part down is because it’s always good to keep an eye on our promising assets out on loan in ‘13-‘14. You know, like Romagnoli, Caprari or Skorupski. Holy Guacamole, did I just call Tallo promising?

Anyway, mes félicitations Junior. Okaka would be so proud right now. If he wasn’t busy crying all day in the cellars of Parma.

Prevent panic, let’s party profusely at Parma

A chance to climb to top spot alongside Napoli. A chance to take advantage of Inter, Juve, Fiorentina and Milan losing points last weekend. A chance to keep Lazio behind us in the standings. A chance to keep a third clean sheet in a row, making us the only club in Serie A still to concede a goal (I think even in all other big leagues in Europe)… See, knowing my beloved Roma I wouldn’t even be mad about a loss at Parma. Because this is NOT how they roll. Roma doesn’t take advantage of others, it makes its own history. Prior to Parma, it all was too good to be true under Rudi. Lazio would be the first real test but even though I didn’t hold Parma in high regard, they do have a certain Amauri in their attacking ranks. And a small colony of ex-Romanisti: Cassano, Galloppa, Rosi and Okaka. Who could all possibly turn into Messi, Iniesta, Ronaldo or Falcao respectively. Again, because this is how AS Roma roles.

The game: No big surprises from Rudi, mostly the same team from Hellas bar Ljajic who replaced Gervinho in the lineup. Adem disappointed in the first half while Gervinho did a better job in the second half. I can’t believe I’m saying this but… This team needs Gervinho. Name me one Roma player with pace. Real pace ala Bale, Usain Bolt or that other Bolt (hey, chicks dig Disney). His decision making still is poor (remember the counter at the end where Borriello was standing all alone but Gervais decided to shoot on goal), just like his passing and finishing and... Well, most of his skill set.
But Parma-Roma showed Gervinho CAN be useful for us. Run at defenses, make most of spaces in between defenders and he does his defensive duties as well. He’s no sure starter because there are better allround footballers at Roma but since we’re paying him money, might as well make the best out of this situation. Something tells me this will not be the last penalty Gervinho earns this season. Show him some love people.

Otherwise,a big thanks to the usual suspects. Benatia and Maicon in defence, the trio in midfield and of course, Totti with goal no 228 in Serie A. His twentieth consecutive season (for the same club, can’t stress this enough) where he scores at least once. Linguists still have to come up with a word to describe Francesco’s legacy in Rome. I have three: pure porn pleasure.

Minor worry: Our defence seems to have a problem with speedy wingers like Biabiany (Balzaretti in particular saw stars) while the first half was rather uninspiring with a lot of possession but no real chances or breakthroughs, Luis Enrique-light if you may. But the team showed they can fight back and believe in themselves until the very last whistle. This squad is smarter, more shrewd than last year. As I said before, these are the type of games we need to win in order to keep the European dream alive for as long as possible.

Astonishing Awards

The Maicon 2010 award: Maicon 2013. During the game, I couldn’t help myself continuingly watching that RB spot. Man it’s good to finally have an above-decent RB once again. Also close to scoring the 0-1. Saba’s gamble turns out to be a hit.

The Osvaldo award: Strootman. Stole Borriello’s penalty. Thank God Lamela’s gone otherwise he would be punching Erik by Friday on training. As opposed to Ozzy, Kev did score his ‘stolen’ penalty with a missile right through Mirante. Also gave an assist for Totti.

The Gandalf award: Benatia. Big Ben. Seriously, he’s like a condom during a drunk college sex orgy, Steven Seagal in every film he made an appearance or Gandalf in LOTR. A guarantee to kick ass, nothing can and will go past it.

The Inspector Clouseau award: Borriello. Self-explanatory.

What’s a Womé, darling?

Pierre Womé, Cameroonian defender (feel free to google him). Played eight games for Roma back in the nineties, 1998-1999 to be exact. When ZZ was coach and Roma achieved fifth place. And a defender under Zeman always deserves praise for his dedication and self-sacrifice in Il Boemo’s 4-3-3 aka who frikkin needs a defense anyway? Other notable ex-clubs of Womé are Inter, Fulham and Werder Bremen.
He was no Candela, Panucci or even Balzaretti but players starting with a W- were becoming rare by now after Wahab and Wilhelmsson. Pierre definitely was the best least worst of the trio by far. If we’re talking WAGs, of course Chippen wins hands down… Or ‘hands down pants’, if you know what I mean. Dirty ‘ol man.

The derby cometh

May 26, 2013. If you still haven’t found out the importance of the historical clash between Roma and Lazio, you shouldn’t be visiting this blog. Roma – Lazio drinks gasoline and then pisses in the campfire of Real-Atlético, Man U- Man City, Inter-Milan, Everton-Liverpool, Partizan-Red Star or Dortmund - Schalke. Here’s a warming-up video. Don’t miss this one next weekend. Cometh the hour, cometh the man is a famous English quote. Who is gonna be Roma’s man to bring back derby glory for the first time since March 2011? Deep in your heart you know there can be only one…

“I feel freer in my work without having Baldini, a great friend, by my side. He is certainly thriving with my absence, he seems rejuvenated at Tottenham.” – Walter Sabatini, 2013