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Totti Today #71: Christmas Special!

Aaah, Christmas and New Year. So much traditional festivities going on and so much warm and cosy feelings. Unless you’re a Roma fan. Lots of them are still struggling with their love/hate relationship towards Rudi’s Roma and the disillusional win against Genoa last week. But fear not, better times are ahead of us, just look below!

Paolo Bruno/Getty Images

Just like last year, it’s time for another so-called Roman Christmas Winter Wishlist! Presents, presents and even more presents. I’ll try to give each Roman player a present he desperately needs and deserves. After all, Christmas is a time of not only receiving but also giving things, right? Without further ado, let’s start with the big bad himself: Rudi Garcia!

Rudi Garcia: Violins are so 2014. A new phonograph it is. That’ll make sure his broken record during his press conferences is fixed.

De Sanctis: The game Batman: Arkham Knight on PlayStation 4. After playing an hour or two, Morgan will realize how awesome he used to be (or still is).

Szczęsny: Signed jerseys of Fabianski and Boruc to remind him he needs to get his sh*t together if he wants to be a part of the Polish selection when Euro 2016 arrives come June.

Lobont: Errhm, well now this is awkward… I forgot his present because I forgot he’s still here. Sorry Boggy!

Florenzi: A dinner at the famous ice-cream parlor Giolitti in Rome together with his nonna, aaaaaaaw!

Maicon: A Blu-Ray of ‘Inter Milan: The Very Best of 2010’. Handkerchief included.

Torosidis: A travel voucher for Brazil. So he can give it to current Olympiakos rightback Salino and Toro can take his place, getting out of Roma ASAP. Hey, it’s an expensive gift but totally worth it IMO.

Digne: A cloning device. So he doesn’t feel lonely at leftback anymore.

Manolas: Ten free lessons of anger management, given by doctor Mexes.

Rüdiger: A new passport. Because if your name starts with ‘Rudi’, you don’t really belong in Rome anymore… Wink wink.

Gyomber: An LP of the Gummy Bear Song of course, no-brainer!

Castan: The game Dr. Kawashima's Brain Training on Nintendo DS. Hey, if it helps, why not?

Emerson: The book ‘How to succeed in Italy’, written by Emerson Ferreira da Rosa. Just skip the Juventus and Milan pages will ya?

Nainggolan: Five free lessons of anger management, given by professor Vinnie Jones. And a plastic ninja sword + nunchucks.

Pjanic: A role in the new movie Bend It Like Beckham 2, as Davids teacher.

Keita: Hipster glasses because Seydou’s glare when he’s on the field scares the hell out of me.

De Rossi: A container full of grooming products worth 5% of his market value, including a Braun Body Cruzer (extra long-lasting battery) and a Gillette Fusion (extra strong blades).

Strootman: A lifesize poster of Forrest Gump. Run Kevin, run!

Ucan: A Marouane Fellaini wig.

Vainqueur: A city trip to Vancouver (easy peasy).

Gervinho: The book One-Dimensional Man by Herbert Marcuse. Translated in French, obviously.

Salah: One night at the Hotel Pyramid in Rome (Via dei Magazzini Generali 4, for who’s interested) + breakfast… LOL, get it? BreakFAST? For Salah?

Dzeko: A pair of boxing gloves. To knock some sense into himself.

Itur…. Oh wait, never mind.

Falque: A meet and greet with Gilbert Gottfried , the voice actor behind the character Iago from Disney’s Aladdin.

Sadiq: Probably some LEGO. What? The kid’s only 18 for crying out loud.

Totti:The DVD box set of The Expendables (1,2 and 3). To show him old guys can still kick some ass!

Well, that was my wishlist for AS Roma, feel free to share your suggestions below! Have a great holiday and a safe and sound 2016 everyone!