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Totti Today #31: Waiting on a lady

The advantages ofplaying European midweek games? It takes the focus off all the abominable Serie A displays of Roma… And irony oh irony, a draw would be a good, nay, even great result next Thursday. What do you say? Shall we do one more, lads?

Mario Carlini / Iguana Press/Getty Images

AS Roma is the current king of draws in Italy: eight in their last nine Serie A games. Or ten in the last thirteen games. By the by, did I already tell you I hate draws? Pfffft, yaaaawn, what a joke. No winner, no loser. That’s not the point in professional sports, right? There has to be a winner and loser in the end, always. Tears of despair, tears of joy on the pitch. There’s a reason why the song We are the champions by Queen is so popular. Everyone loves the sight of celebrating people and of angry/sad/crying sportsmen.

If I were a FIFA godfather, I’d introduce extra time, golden goal and penalty shoot-outs in EVERY game. But hey, I’d also obligate clubs to have at least one cheerleader per fan, to share free Belgian waffles in the stadium and to have at least one assistant coach that looks like either Candice Swanepoel or Doutzen Kroes. A man can dream and admit it, the world would be a happier place than it is now.

Talking about happy places, Roma ain’t one of them at the moment. What a mess. And you know sh*t has hit the figurative fan when even Rudi "I did not recognise my team" Garcia has lost faith in his players. "It was a terrible performance", he said. Earth to Rudi, Roma’s been in this slump for months now. So far the only positive note I can recall since the 4-2 win against Inter is the qualification in the Europa League thanks to a 1-2 win in Rotterdam. And hell, even that display was mediocre, it was a hard-fought win and Rome paid a high price with millions of euros of damage to monuments in the city. You know these are hard times when even your brightest moment in months is being overshadowed by such negative side events.

The question of the day is: does anyone have a solution to Roma’s problem? Does Rudi? Does the almighty Totti? Walter? James? Taddei’s Trigoria spirit? I fear this task might be too big for a human being, even Francesco (he’s ‘only’ a demigod after all). I turn to someone else, someone magical. A concept really, abstract and ideological. Lady Luck. What has she done for us lately? Roma desperately need something, anything to start racking up those wins again. The recent slip-ups from Napoli were welcome, but we need something bigger. Lazio and Fiorentina are lurking around the corner.

Yes, the current situation is that bad. Does it surprise anyone really, after four consecutive draws and a laughable two goals in the last four games? We not only need Lady Luck, but Lady Luck dressed in a four-leaf clover dress decorated with rabbit’s feet and horseshoes. That kinda luck. Or you know, the players could just get their heads fixed by a shaman and start reminding us of all the good stuff that happened in 2013-2014 and early 2014-2015. One game changer, one performance is all it takes to convince the tifosi again. But when will it happen?

And now the funny part of all this: who here in Church would be glad with another draw in Roma’s next game, Fiorentina away in the Europa League? Yup, I do. Because that would be a good result to head back home with. It would at least increase Roma’s chances of progressing and save this gray season that once started so promising. Comparing both the Viola and Giallorossi’s form, a draw would be considered a success and a (albeit small) step in the right direction.

Therefore, I’ll put my profound hate towards draws aside and say: Ok, Roma, one more time per favore. But then, it’s time for redemption, Wiedergutmachung. And fast. You see, it’s not courteous to keep a Lady waiting.