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Totti Today #40: Intolerable Cruelty (The Sequel)

Do you remember the movie Intolerable Cruelty (2003)? With George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones? A story about a cruel woman who marries rich men and is only after their money? A woman so cruel you can’t resist her (I love you Catherine)? We find that same cruelty in rooting for Roma. Intolerable, yet vital for our lives.

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Roma fans truly are a special breed. It hurts so much, yet we want it more and more. Every week we know our heart can shatter in a thousands pieces, but we carefully pick them up right in time to be broken again the very next weekend… I admit: For the first time since long I’m quite staggered and speachless. Sitting in front of my laptop, just staring at the blank screen, pointless, cramped, indifferent. Hell, my parents even thought they caught me watching porn while writing this post. Like I have nothing else to do these days... Ahem. But back to Roma. The honest truth is: I’m crushed mentally. Just like Bren, writing about Roma is not for the faint of heart.

A lot can be said about Roma’s season, then again also very little. Since the is still not here, I’m gonna keep this one quite short since my broken record is… well, even more broken. WIN GODDAMNIT! Really, there’s nothing left to say. I can’t and won’t ask Rudi for dazzling football in May. No Barcelona or Bayern style, thank you very much. Go out there, get the three points and get this season over with ASAP. Thanks to ex-Laziale Hernanes Roma is still second but one can imagine a win on Saturday would have virtually sealed the second place for the Giallorossi. Surprise! Of course they didn’t, what did you expect? Roma lost to a terrible Milan side anno 2015 (which is not better than let’s say Sassuolo or Palermo).

Sampdoria, Genoa or Fiorentina, I could understand. But this? They didn’t even TRY to go for the win in Milano. As if the players don’t realize what’s at stake. They should read the Chiesa on a daily basis to know the effect of their sad displays. AC Milan collected only two points of its last five games and have nothing to play for anymore. Yet, Roma defied the odds and managed to lose at the San Siro. To make it worse, Milan loanee Destro scored while Roma relied on an 38-year-old player who was on the bench for three consecutive games. So so cruel.

The suspense and tension is getting intolerable now, every weekend could be heaven or hell for the tifosi. Sure, it’s exciting for a neutral fan but this truly are defining weeks for AS Roma. This month could have a major impact on the club and decide the fate of the coach, players and even sports director. The pinacle of it all: the derby. Dear God. Pacemakers, defibrillators, Zentherapy, weed,… Don’t put your life on the line, try them all out before the derby comes along. I know I will. Everything to keep your heart from going AWOL. Luckily Lazio are also getting nervous, one win in their last five matches. It’s a Roman fluke it seems.

Nevertheless,let’s try to end with a positive note here: Roma plays its last three games at the Olimpico. That’s a serious advantage. Udinese and Palermo still need to visit our stadium and both have nothing to play for, no Europe or relegation aspirations whatsoever. So the time is right for a sprint towards the finish line. Whether they reach it or not, this season (Intolerable Cruelty 2) has been a burden on our shoulders for too long. Lessons must be learned, prices have to be paid. We have suffered enough.

With FIFA hot on our trails, there’s little space for manoeuvres and fails from the management. This Summer has to be a bull’s eye yet again, nothing more, nothing less. Get rid of the right players, buy the right players, give faith to the right players. But for that to happen, we need to grab the honey jar called Champions League.

Let’s hope Intolerable Cruelty 2 ends just like its predecessor: with a happy ending. Hate turns into love, everyone kisses, corny, tiresome, Hollywood at its best... AS Roma at its best.