Back in the days before the internet revolutionized the way we do, well, everything, we were forced to go to these things called stores to procure goods and services. As a youth obsessed with basketball and sneaker culture, it was my biannual duty to beg and plead with my parents to take me to the mall (which is a giant assemblage of stores, my dear millennial readers) to check out the newest offerings from Nike.
However, ‘round about sixth grade, when I was wearing a size 10, purchasing sneakers became an excruciatingly difficult task. See, in my part of the world this was a very popular size, particularly among basketball aficionados, so more often than not I was reduced to my third or fourth choice; no Jordans for me, just basic-as-they-come black high tops.
By now you've probably figured out where I'm going with this: James Pallotta's search for a new manager is going about as well as my long-gone journeys to Foot Locker. After being rebuked by Antonio Conte, ignored by Jose Mourinho, and politely declined by Claudio Ranieri, Roma's managerial choices have virtually eroded to dust, leaving the Giallorossi to search for their own boring shoe of a manager.
But what if there was another option? What if Roma could, in one fell swoop, inject some fresh optimism into the fan base while also finding a skilled manager, one who just so happens to be capable of giving Daniele De Rossi the swan song he deserves?
What if Roma hired Alberto De Rossi as their new manager.
Now, before you call me a fool, I get it, Poppa De Rossi has never shown any desire to manage at the senior level, and why should he? He's got a great gig going with the Primavera, a role in which his first charge is to educate and develop, and it's a role he's damn near mastered, winning eight trophies at varying youth levels throughout his illustrious career.
However, desperate times call for desperate measures. And now that Roma won't even have Ranieri as a fall back option, the times are indeed desperate. And instead of falling into an abyss of despair, what if Roma could appeal to Alberto De Rossi's dual affections: his son and his club.
What if they offered De Rossi a one-year deal to steward the club during the likely final season of his son's legendary career? Could the elder De Rossi take a one-year leave of absence from his teaching duties to help Roma through a rough patch while witnessing his son bask in the adulation of the Eternal City one last time?
You can accuse Roma of being provincial, but just make sure you praise them for being romantic in the same breath. And for a club so steeped in local tradition, you can't paint a better picture than Alberto De Rossi ensuring his son gets a proper send-off, and given how adept he is at his current role, there is little doubt he'd leave Roma in better shape than in which he found them.
This won't happen of course, but we can dream...